


Following the Heart

by calie15



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, F/M, First Kiss, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 16:39:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4712957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calie15/pseuds/calie15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is pretty sure he shouldn't like Jemma, that he shouldn't be thinking about their relationship being something more, but eventually he doesn't care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Following the Heart

Bucky tells himself he doesn't need complications in his life. Decades of assassinating people and being brainwashed was sufficient.

He keeps the circle of people around him small. He doesn't trust easily, doesn't really like human interaction, and he's pretty sure people don't like him. 

Steve says he constantly looks like he wants to kill people, it isn't necessarily true, but he's fine with them thinking that.

Bucky keeps telling himself that he doesn't need complications, except there's that damn woman which he doesn't mind seeing. Bucky doesn't mind her fingers fluttering over his chest as she stitches him. Or her hands smoothing over his back as she sighs at a bruise. He doesn't even mind her checking the damage to his left hand. He can't feel it, but he likes the way it doesn't bother her and how she is still gentle.

Bucky likes her smiles and the way she rambles about odd things. She'd apologized one time, blushing slightly, and he'd stupidly told her she could talk to him about whatever she wants.

It was a blessing that people avoided him out of fear, but Bucky was glad she wasn't scared of him.

He knows he likes her, and not in a friendly way. Bucky allows himself to maybe appreciate her legs in a skirt, or the way her ass looks in pants when she bends over. He's thought about what it might feel like to have her breasts in his hands. He tries not to think about more then that though, because then it's almost depressing. Bucky doesn't really want to pine after a woman, imagine what it might be like to kiss her or take her to bed, because it isn't going to happen. She's nice to everyone, mot just him, and there is nothing special about him.

Except he likes to believe maybe she cares as her hands tremble slightly when she touches his back where he was shot three times. Bucky doesn't say anything, doesn't really acknowledge her. 

'You're not careful,' she whispers and comes around to face him. 'Why?'

He couldn't look at her after that. His life didn't matter, not compared to those he'd taken. He also couldn't handle the pained look in her eyes, he didn't want it to make him think she really cared. That's how he would fall for her.

Except he did fall for her. He was to stupid to run, because he wanted whatever she would offer, even if it was only a margin of what he really wanted.

When she hides her face from him one day while she draws blood he can hear her sniffle. She'd avoided his eyes since she'd come in and hadn't said a word.

Bucky lifts his left arm and pushes her chin up with his fingers to see tears in her eyes and blotchy cheeks. She's even pretty when she cries. She apologizes and wipes her cheeks and he says she doesn't have to apologize to him before he can stop himself. She offers him a watery smile. And it makes his chest hurt to see her looking at him like that.

He offers to kill someone for her if it might help, and she laughs, which is the only thing he wanted.

And when their done she says 'Thanks you Bucky' with a pretty smile and it's the first time he's ever had to clench his fist to stop himself from trying to kiss her.

Bucky wants to forget her, because quiet simply what he wants with her is impossible. He considers going to see Natasha, try and get this woman out of his system. He's in the middle of that debate with himself when he is preparing for another mission and she finds him on purpose.

'Be careful,' she says seriously, her eyes pleading. 'You're never careful. It would be nice to see you where I'm not putting you back together.'

Then suddenly he wants to know what he could have with her, Bucky has to know. He's tired of not knowing and he figures he can't be her friend, so either he needs to go for it or let her go. He should let her go, but he's to weak for that, and maybe a little selfish.

It's on a mission, where he decides she probably shouldn't be, that he pushes the damn woman to the ground as an explosion goes off.

She laughs as the dust settles and Bucky looks down on her. It was the moment he'd been fearing, the moment where they both knew and he toed the line. He could feel her breath against his lips and then he came back to himself, pulling away only to have her grasp his neck and pull him down. 

Her lips were soft against his and gave way as he parted them. Adrenaline was still pumping from the explosion and his ears were still ringing. He doesn't think as he kisses her and slide his hand up the side of her body, finally settling on her hips and then moving to her ass, because if he was honest he had been wanting to grab a handful of it for a while.

Somehow he forgets where he is, because he barely hears the voices in his ear. He pulls away and snaps out an affirmative. Her lips are swollen and her breath comes in small pants. Bucky's tempted to kiss her again, but it really isn't the best place for it.

What he likes about her is that when there safe and in the air she instructs the team leader that she doesn't have time for his debrief, because Agent Barnes is in need of medical attention.

She walks away without waiting for a response. 

There a nervousness he isn't familiar with, and it doesn't go away until the door closes and she turns to cup the back of his neck. 

Bucky realizes he has been wanting this so long that he doesn't hesitate. He pushes her roughly against a table and swallows her laugh. There is no hesitation or unsureness on her part. Her hands are firm on him, grasping at his shoulder and sliding into his hair. After all of that time of worrying and doubting she's wrapped around him and as willingly as he had ever hoped.


End file.
